What if's, Should have's, Could have's

As mom's, at least for me, I sometimes dwell on what could have been, what I should have done or what could have happened. They can come in many forms. From something I said, to a decision I made to what could have happened good or bad by something that I did. This is true for us as moms but also as women. With our busy schedules it's going to happen.

In our young marrieds class last week we discussed what it means to be a re-player. I am the queen of re-playing! Now I could be wrong but I don't think that is something I can change. I re-play things in my mind. I go over it and consider what happened. Whether it was a good or bad thing. I re-play a conversation. I re-play a fun moment that I had with someone. I re-play things I said to to others, etc. BUT...we also discussed how this can be damaging. When you dwell on things you then create a feeling for that person or situation that you create as a false truth.

I can sometimes replay things that could have happened, how the kids could have gotten hurt when I wasn't watching them climb or how I shouldn't have yelled like that. It then affects how I parent. I am too afraid to let them be kids for fear of them being hurt (not that there isn't caution) or next time I let them get away with something because I over did it the last time. This is not constructive. I can't live in What if, Should have or Could have's.

Psalm 139
¹ You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
⁵ You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

God know's everything, he knows your thoughts, your heart, your motives. We all make mistakes and God loves us. What I need to learn is how to make things different the next time around. If I'm afraid they could get hurt, I give perimeters that make me comfortable and the kids get to play. If I over yelled I can sit them down and apologize that I'm sorry I over reacted. I can talk to them about how they need to listen or decide on a different consequence that you can use the next time the situation comes up.

God doesn't want us to dwell in the past. He wants us to learn and grow. Just as we are learn and grow in Christ, so we are in all areas of our life, growing and changing. Thank God for his grace as we also give grace to others as well as ourselves!

I saw this picture a few days after I wrote this and thought it was a great one, I had to add it to my post!